The Psychoanalyst
by Reasons of Heart
Summary: There was only one person who could do the job. I mean mending the psychological states of the Warriors of Light once they returned. I told them it's best if they let out all their pain rather than keeping it inside. In turn, they told me how everything would have been different if they had.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: References to FFIV with snippets of The After Years, both of which belong to Squeenix. Written purely as humor though it does follow the same general storyline of FFIV.

Even though I took AP Psych a year ago, I do not endorse or recommend that you take any of this psychology as factual depictions of any field of psychology or any of its practices. I'm warning you. This won't help you study for the AP exam for any one who plans to take it in the future as a high school student. Try quizlet or a review book.

Hope you will enjoy.

* * *

 **The Psychoanalyst**

 _Prologue_

Because I was getting tired of that yellow dress that my fiancé liked so much, I decided to wear something different for the occasion. I swung open the doors of my wardrobe, fingering all those gaudy outfits he made me wear.

Hmm…

Nothing of interest. This is getting me nowhere.

Then, I decided to try a heuristic. What's that? Oh, I forgot to tell you. It's really complicated. All you have to do is look at all the potential solutions before starting a game. And try them all out. Don't actually.

I would make you do it if I were a cognitive psychologist. Then, I'd tell you how stupid you are right after. You'd leave with a bruised brain with corrected thoughts.

Anyway, I'm not smart enough to be a cognitive psychologist. So I used a heuristic.

Frantically, I pulled out every piece of clothing from my closet.

A black mourning dress. He was about to make me wear this for my own funeral. Somehow, I had never gotten around to throwing it away.

The next thing that flew out of my closet was a crumbly old brown dress. It looked a lot like a maid's dress. Part of my clever escape plan to flee from Kaipo with my fiancé. Even the prince who pretended to be a bard agreed with how amazing this disguise was (after some intimidation).

A white frilly blouse and a navy blue suit. Ugly, I'll admit, but it would have to do. Looking at the label that still had the price tag, I laughed. Of course. It's from Harley. Ever the practical one.

Throwing on the odd assortment of clothing, I grabbed my briefcase. Then, I walked over to the windowsill and slipped on the perfect pair of glasses. They made people uncomfortable.

I couldn't settle for less, being a psychoanalyst—the most cheerful of psychologists.

Opening my binder, I examined my list of clients.

 _Kain_

 _Cecil_

Both under _group therapy_ for my first appointment. This would be interesting. After all, I haven't seen Cecil since a long time ago during a huge misunderstanding.

Let me tell you what happened. My dear fiancé decided it would be best if I pretend I was wounded so that Cecil wouldn't make me go with him to find a Sand Pearl or whatever. Even though my dress had nary a stain of blood, everyone believed me mortally wounded, even my father. Well he can't quite see through those googly purple shades either. For our plan we had devised, I had performed perfectly.

 _Bravely, she sacrificed myself for her beloved, fighting off the whole battalion of the Red Wings of the Baronian army singlehandedly_. That's what went down in the history books. Ask Harley. She was the witness.

In reality, I was lying on the ground, uttering words I don't quite remember.

Q: How did I battle them all at once?

A: That's an easy question. I filled tons of vials of water from the healing springs for both health and magic. It wasn't hard because there were large cauldrons with an indefinite supply in the room where I would be leading the attack. How convenient.

Next, I flung spells at the sky until my voice became hoarse. I really hoped they were hitting the people on that ship. Otherwise, I might be wasting my magic. Whenever I got tired, there was the springwater to fall back on.

They jumped down. It was all creepy. The man in dark armor was a dragoon. He's listed on my client list as Kain. I think the Crystal Authorities meant to put him in the correctional facility because of his compulsive robbery (he stole the Damcyan Crystal).

Golbez swung his magical cape around. My father told me of this dangerous object—capable of making things or people disappear. However, I got a preemptive strike and gave him a taste of Thundara. Nothing happened when he hid behind his cape.

He countered with a Firaga right at my face.

"That was rude," I jabbed touching my burnt face. My husband-to-be wouldn't be happy with this. I drank another vial of spring water and used a Cura to restore my charred features.

Pushing his cape behind his back, he revealed his clunky gold-trimmed black armor. Poor against magic. Good against melee. Great, I thought, conjuring a Thundaja spell while he was distracted mumbling a spell. It was a race of who would release their spell first.

"Listen, Heavy Armor," I yelled at the man. He was so surprised that he had to begin recasting his spell. "I don't know what your business here is, but I suggest you get out. You were cowardly enough to take an airship instead of walking through the desert. That's bad enough. Add to that all the lives of the innocent Damcyan people you put at risk. Don't think you'll get off easy for this, scum."

He ignored me. Ha, my Blizzara came out first, freezing him into a solid block of ice before dissipating.

Cursing, he lost his concentration again. "What?" he asked sharply. "I'm Golbez by the way."

"It looks like you're casting a powerful spell based on how complicated the incantation is," I began. "So I have a question before you try to end my life."

He said nothing.

"Can you at least give me a phoenix down in case I meet my end, Golbez?" I pleaded.

He glared at me for a moment in consideration. Kain was tapping the walls looking for a crystal. A side effect of mind control. You can't do anything on your own. Sighing, Golbez released Kain for a moment so he could finish stealing the crystal.

"And who would administer the phoenix down over your dead body? I'm on my way out and I don't have time for things like that," he stated impatiently. "Ask one of your servants."

"Harley," I called her over. She was hiding behind a column. "Since I will soon be future queen, you will have to comply with my requests. I assign you the task of using this phoenix down on me in case I can't survive his spell."

"Please?" I begged. Though I knew she secretly hated me for being the prince's first love, it would not be hard for her to keep me alive.

"Fine," she responded reaching for the bottle of feathers from Golbez while trying not to touch his cursed gauntlet.

That doesn't look good. I saw Kain holding up the crystal. Meanwhile, Golbez was about to finish his incantation. I gulped.

However, the prince's skills weren't up to par like mine so that annoying green-haired girl saw through his fake tears over my dead body. I was furious, but I had to calm down because I was holding my breath for a really long time. Finally, the not-so-cheerful party made him join and whisked him off on their journey.

My sweet fiancé decided to let me become sort of a career woman (psychoanalyst) instead of marrying him at once. Also, I'm afraid it might have a lot to do with Harley. It was more entertaining than being a sage and I got a lot of rewarding experiences dealing with clients who had near-death experiences.

Now that you have my brief bio, I'm ready for the first appointment.

"Harley, would you mind getting the door?" I asked.

The secretary of Edward was always pretending to be all scholarly and smart. What can you learn from a bard that you can't learn from me? Still offering me a fake grin from seeing me wear my birthday gift from her, she walked over to the door.

* * *

Did you find that offensive? Totally unrealistic? Let's just call it abrasive humor with a sprinkle of character bashing and imagination.

Leave a review if you were entertained.

~Reasons of Heart


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Not as entertaining as the prologue, but Anna draws some interesting conclusions.

* * *

 _Chapter 1_

* * *

Both of them entered. They settled stiffly into the two chairs in front of my desk.

"Good morning, Cecil. And the same to you as well, Kain," I greeted with a professional tone. Although I knew them both from being friends of my fiancé or visits to the Damcyan castle, this was psychologist and client, not friend and friend. We had our roles to play.

"Hey, Anna," responded Cecil with a friendly smile. Kain did not respond.

I gave him a pointed glare. Sad. Even Kain was being more cooperative than Cecil.

"Before I begin this session, I assume you both know what it entails?" I asked. "I want your full honesty so that I can provide you the best advice for you to understand yourselves better."

"And we can't do that ourselves?" Kain inquired. Perhaps he was afraid of being manipulated from someone as Golbez had. Regardless of that, they both suffered under the brunt of my glare.

"Wonderful. If you believe you can, just cancel this appointment with my secretary so I can take a nap," I snapped. "Any more questions?"

Silence.

"Good, let's begin," I stated, closing my notes about their psychological health. I had already taken the time to memorize them last night. Now, I could offer them my full attention.

"I want you to let go of whatever painful or humiliating feelings and let them be known to me. Even your dreams could have significance. I won't judge you or tell anyone about this. Trust me," I began. Leading them over to two couches by a bookshelf, I made them lie down and leaned against a coffee table.

Giving them a hard penetrating stare, I began, "First, I want you to tell me what happened from the very beginning. Starting with you Cecil, since you're the more vocal one of this group. As for Kain, you can interject whenever he omits a detail or your recollection deviates from what he experienced. Is that clear?"

They nodded. Drawing up my blank pad of paper, I wrote their names at the top of the page.

Squirming under my gaze, Cecil tried to sit up a little. With his mouth no longer pressed into a firm line, he started, "Steering the Red Wings south, my men and I headed towards the ancient city of Mysidia, nestled among shadowy forests. To be honest, I didn't know why it was so important to take their crystal when they seemed like a cultish people who kept to themselves. At the time, I figured the king must have his reasons. Mages are often creepy, besides Rosa of course.

I told my troops to lag a distance behind me so I wouldn't startle the Mysidians. If I asked diplomatically enough, retrieving their crystal should be easy enough.

Actually, I told my men to blend in as much as possible unless I needed some more persuading. One clumsy man got himself turned into a frog. We'd deal with it later. It wasn't easy for them, I imagine, because they were the only armored men in the whole city. From that point on, I would not allow them to speak to the Mysidians to prevent them from casting Frog.

Eventually, we got to their temple. It was the most significant feature in their whole drab city. The Praying Tower, I think they may have called it.

"I am a representative of the king of Baron. May I speak to your Elder," I asked once inside.

The cloaked figure started speaking in another language in a high pitched voice. The other mages shuffled out of the room.

"Can it wait?" the mage asked, suspicious of my behavior. "He's in the middle of a prayer. I'm sure he'll be praying for the next eight hours or so."

"No, I need to see him now," I demanded.

"Why?" she asked. That little midget of a mage. Did she actually think she could interrogate me?

"It is none of your concern since it's my business with the Elder," I snapped.

She looked at me another moment as if evaluating. To my relief, she walked over to the door, I walked behind her closely and beckoned my men to come in after she had walked in.

Returning, she smiled, "I told the other mages who will tell the Elder."

"Thanks. I really appreciate it," I responded.

Continuing on, she said, "You're welcome. I told them 'Never mind. It can wait.' I have to wait until I get a response from the Elder."

"What?" I asked. I was losing it. This was supposed to be a simple two-day mission.

Pushing her aside and knocking her out, I led my men and the frog to stay in the front entrance room with the now incapacitated mage. Then, I yanked open the door. There were about eight other mages sitting on a bench near another door. They looked like they were either passing a message or sharing a secret.

"Hey, is this the waiting room?"

Seeing me, they jumped and all blocked the door.

"Excuse me," I said pushing one aside who was blocking the door.

"The message was what?" one mage asked another.

"No!" another whispered loudly.

I was thoroughly confused.

Turning towards me, the mage said," The answer is 'No!"

"Come on, it's urgent!" I complained. "Did you even ask him?"

One mage turned to the other, whispering something again. Once the response had been passed to each member, they looked at me. I glared. They just wasted five minutes for a one-word response.

"The answer is 'Yes. Why do you ask?' "

Trying to be helpful, I suggested, "You know it would be more efficient if you told me directly rather than telling each other one-by-one."

Angrily, one stood up to me. He shouted, "This is a thousand-year tradition. How dare you challenge the fine ways of the ancients?"

"It's a little antiquated for a security system," I explained. "You could try using guards like Baron. By the way, you just contradicted your tradition."

"Imbecile," he interjected. "You are not fit to be in the presence of any Mysidian, much less the Elder."

"Calm down. I was just offering you some advice. If you won't let me in, I will see the Elder without your help," I snapped. Crystals, they were getting on my nerves.

Racing over to the door to the front entrance room, I beckoned my men to join me. This could get ugly.

Quickly, we whacked all the mages out of our way.

"Make sure they're not dead," I told my men. Then, I took a few of my most trusted men and went into the Crystal Chamber.

On a pedestal, I saw the crystal. It was glowing as if light were moving inside of it. Stepping over a man sleeping at the foot of the pedestal, I grabbed it gleefully.

"All this fuss over a shiny rock," I muttered, putting the crystal in my bag.

Upon hearing noise, the man jumped up and began to wrestle me for it. It wasn't hard for me with my men holding him down. With a long glance at his bruised face, I realized it was the Elder. Looks like we were in big trouble.

I heard scuttling feet outside and the mages came crashing in.

They raised their hands and said the most horrible words I've ever heard. "Frogify all!"

Promptly, all my men became croaking green creatures.

At this point, I'd had enough of these crazy people. So I yelled, "Kill them as quickly as you can!"

Instead, croaking noises came from my throat. That dumb man under my command who turned into a frog earlier was now a man. Life wasn't fair.

Fortunately he had a little sense to… "If you don't turn 'em all back to people, your leader will be good as dead." With that, he grabbed all that remained of the Elder's hair in his hand.

Grudgingly, they turned us back and still asked for the crystal. The nerve of them!

"Another day," I promised patting the bald spot on the Elder's bruised head.

After knocking out all the mages, I gathered my men and headed off toward Baron. That stupid man who had first been frog killed one of them. That's what makes nations go to war."

I had about ten pages of notes. Sizable, but you can never know enough about one man's mind.

Stopping Cecil from a tirade was hard. Yuck. All those negative emotions have been long repressed. I was glad his unconscious motives were easier to read.

"So Cecil," I began. "How old were you when you were Captain of the Red Wings?"

"Twenty. One year younger than Kain," he responded. Kain had fallen asleep with Cecil's boring epic journey, causing me to slap him across the face.

"And what was your relationship to the former king of Baron at the time?" I asked.

My eyes pinned down Kain, coercing a response. "Cecil considered him a father-like figure. He idolized him in every way, even becoming a dark knight on his behalf. As for me, I respected him, but held only my father in higher regard. I would rather be a dragoon than have a king dictate my military career."

Cecil gave him a pointed look. I saw the knife turn in his side. Honesty hurts, but it's best for a cure.

"That makes perfect sense now," I said with a brilliant smile that scared battle-hardened former Captain now King Cecil out of his wits. Both shuddered in fear as they awaited my next words.

"I conclude that Baron is dumb."

They both looked at me in horror. What? I wasn't the next Golbez or anything.

"First of all, you two should have never been promoted to Captain at twenty. That's the age of some of the recruits. Besides, your men you command are probably mainly ten to twenty years older than you. Tell me that's not crazy. Favoritism and nepotism got you your positions."

They stared at me in shock.

This was the typical reaction. I appreciated bluntness. Calmly, I continued, "Your responsibilities were pressed on you unnaturally at too young an age. You need to slow down the pace of your life and accept responsibilities as they come. You're much too rash, Cecil, and you need to confide your feelings to someone else instead of pretending to be strong and trying to repress them all."

Writing _The Frog Princess_ ft. Rosa as Frog on the line for the name of drug, I discussed the medication. "Cecil, you have an unreasonable fear of mages and frogs. Either you use take this prescription or I will have to refer you to a behavioral psychologist."

"Sounds easy enough," Cecil said with a nervous smile.

Both rose from their chairs and began inching towards the door.

Yanking them back into the chairs, I glared vehemently at them. "I didn't say I was finished yet. Kain, you're not off the hook yet. I haven't heard you add to the narrative at all, except through your snoring. Tomorrow, you'll do all the talking no matter what. After all, it's more useful than taking a nap during our group therapy session."

He nodded, trying to look enthusiastic, but I knew he was groaning inwardly. A little reaction formation was definitely evident. After all, he was giving me the opposite response of what he intended to show.

"Have a nice day," I said leading them to the door.

Darting there as soon as possible, they both gave me a goodbye. Kain's was more forced, but I was pleased with the results. They respected or feared me. That's the only way I could get through to them.

* * *

The question is who doesn't want to see Anna torture I mean heal Kain.

~Reasons of Heart


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Continues an attempt at humor. Enjoy.

* * *

 _Chapter 2_

* * *

As I entered my office this morning, Harley crept into the room behind me followed by two others. It was the second day of treatment.

"I didn't say they could come in just yet," I said in a low voice, silently seething. Harley cowered in fear.

"I'm sorry," she stammered. "They wanted to ask you a question before the appointment."

"It was a question that you couldn't answer?" I groaned.

Edward and her books should have fully equipped her to answer, whether they were general answers, total lies, or divergent conversations. If she were truly an aspiring scholar, surely a fluent stream of articulate responses would answer their questions. In other words, even if she did not know the answer, she must know how to redirect the conversation. Harley knew I didn't like unscheduled visits unless they were from my fiancé.

"No," she responded quickly. Too quickly. As if she were hiding something.

"Why?" I asked. Can't she just give me the reason rather than sidestepping my question?

"Well, I could, but I figured I should leave that sort of thing with you," she said with traces of an impish smile. Inching closer, she whispered, "It's a personal concern."

"I see," I responded carefully. "Ok Harley, I'll see you later…since this is such an urgent concern."

Once she exited, I stood up. "Now, who's idea was this?"

When neither responded, I decided they could wait. "If you remember it later, I might answer it after our appointment. But first, Cecil, did you take your prescription?"

"Not the full dose" came his reply after a moment. "It was too painful to watch. I thought it would be bearable with Rosa in it, but I was surprised to see myself in it as well. Watching myself kiss a frog was mortifying. It was demeaning to Rosa's character and to mine."

"In that case, I will make Kain your accountability partner so that you won't be missing out on any medications. If you find it too scary, then watch it in parts," I stated. "Is that fair?"

They nodded. Cecil shivered.

"Without further delay, Kain, can you continue where we left off yesterday?" I asked. Looking back at my notes, which resembled more summary than psychology, I reminded them of our place. "I believe Cecil had finished taking the Mysidian crystal and was fleeing the city."

"Although I didn't know the specifics of the journey, I know that Cecil came back surprisingly early," Kain started. "Less than a day for a mission, especially a negotiation, was fast. It was midday by the time he left and dusk when he returned to the castle of Baron."

"Unlike Rosa, I didn't run up to him and smother him in kisses with her eyes," he mentioned.

"You're speaking fairly objectively. I want you to tell me how this made you feel," I said. My desire for juicy gossip masked by concern. Having mainly seen Kain in a manipulated state, I wanted to get under his skin and see his relationship to these two. He didn't seem like the type to be friends with Rosa or even Cecil to an extent.

Reluctantly, he complied, speaking tonelessly as possible. "I would have looked away, but there were conflicting feelings. Like why they were still dating? Their relationship seemed too physical, too superficial. Besides, Lady Farrell, Rosa's mother, made it clear she believed in old-fashioned ways, like courting. She wasn't too fond of how quick their marriage was. It seemed almost like eloping."

Cecil looked uncomfortable.

Makes sense now. Jealous, the word Kain was trying to avoid saying.

After briefly gauging my reaction with suspicion, he continued, "Once they finished making love with their eyes, guards separated the two so Cecil could do something useful like giving the king his report. I'm not sure why, but there were a lot of guards by the front entrance. It didn't seem necessary for his return from such an easy mission.

At first thought, I thought it was the markings of an overprotective father, but then realized that was usually only true for daughters, even though Cecil is a bit…sensitive like one.

Anyway, his men were sent to their quarters and Cecil was announced. Then, he entered the throne room. I walked in behind him because the guards thought it would be okay for me to hear the reports as well.

Staying close to the door, I kept my distance because the king was in one of those moods. He was being very temperamental lately.

If he saw me, he might lecture me how it would have been better for me to become a dark knight. No thanks, I wasn't controlled enough to willingly stab myself to harm the enemy. I wasn't that desperate. But that was beside the point. He favored them a lot more by giving them more missions.

Cecil walked up to the king. It was strange. Baigan blocked his view of the king and asked him for something.

When Cecil pulled out a crystal, Baigan snatched it away. Wrong move.

Surprised, Cecil tried to grab it back. For a while, everyone was in shock, seeing the most honored and highest ranking soldiers in an all-out brawl right in front of the king.

Cecil planted a solid punch to his stomach, sending him flying to the floor. The pointy glowing object went rolling out of Baigan's gauntleted hands. When Cecil grabbed it, Baigan, still on the ground, kicked his legs from under him. Somehow they were both on the floor. Sore and groaning.

Then, people started cheering whenever they witnessed another attack. You'd think they were witnessing a street fight. Where was the decorum of the court?

Offering a hand, Cecil apologized and helped Baigan to his feet. However, Baigan had other ideas. He made another lunge for the crystal.

Now, Cecil had the upper hand. He sidestepped the king's trusted advisor, leaving Baigan unbalanced and eventually falling on the floor. He was just laying there, nursing his injuries while some guards helped him stand. Baigan pushed them aside and continued to rest on the floor.

If he looked pretty mad, the king was even worse. Cecil handed the king the crystal directly. The king was happy for about five seconds before telling Cecil something to the effect of "Good job. You can leave now."

I didn't mention this earlier, but Cecil looked pretty guilty the whole time. Because of that, he didn't leave immediately.

By this point, I knew the king was on the breaking point. Cecil was pushing the matter so I began to slowly walk up, careful to step over Baigan's body. Sometimes Cecil needed a little help with these situations.

"My men were worried when we returned from this mission. I know you said we can kill only when our mission is threatened. I mainly ordered my men to knock them out. One mage was killed accidentally and now all my men feel guilty about it," Cecil explained.

"Your point?" the king asked impatiently.

"Why are we terrorizing cities just for that piece of rock?" Cecil probed rather bluntly.

"It's a special rock. I can tell you all about it later when no one's around," the king replied with a glare. That came off a little creepy.

"But I have to tell my men some way to comfort them…"

"That's your job as Captain of the Red Wings," the king lectured. "If you can't even do that, I suggest you try an easier mission like taking this Carnelian Signet to the village of the Mist. That way I can be sure you're loyal. Not just questioning all your missions."

"Your Majesty," I started in hopes of buttering up the king with his ideas of pompousness. "Cecil is still loyal to Baron. He just needs a legitimate reason so he can explain [your madness] to his men. There's nothing wrong with that."

He looked at both of us like we were two big disappointments though we were both prodigies in terms of our military ranking. With a annoyed tone (as if it wasn't obvious earlier), he proclaimed elegantly, "Baigan, get up, you weak fool of an advisor! Give them the ring and have them out of here by the morning. You two aren't coming back till your all done. Any questions? Sorry, no more questions left for you two. Now, get out before you anger me further!"

So the king is crazy. There wasn't anything new I learned.

Baigan gave us the ring and pushed us literally out of the room. A glimpse at his face revealed that he was enjoying it the whole time. With one last shove to Cecil, the guards closed the gates behind us.

"Looks like we're banished now," I commented. And who's fault is that?

"Kain, I didn't mean to drag you into this," he apologized. "I still can't believe this is all happening in one day. I mean who's going to take our positions?"

"You're right," I responded. "Baigan's too broken from his most recent skirmish and the rest of the military is incompetent. We should get our positions back eventually."

Only the dragoons were competent. Not these bewitched dark knights.

Parting, we went our ways. Cecil and Rosa shared the night together. Rosa was so forward about it. Probably due to Cecil's gloominess. I obviously wasn't standing in the doorway or anything, but they were loud enough to hear from down the hall. Then, Rosa ran down to the mage chambers. No cuddling for Cecil tonight. We needed the rest since we would be off the very next morning."

I could see the signs in Kain, but I needed a little more evidence. Unconnected Partner Seeks to Undermine the Balance of Energy in the Relationship. A sticky love triangle. Kain's defense mechanisms were easy to see. Repression. Reaction formation. Perhaps a little rationalization. Sadly, no prescribing yet. I only drugged Cecil and I'm sure he hid his medicine instead of taking it.

"This appointment was very productive for my notes, but I can't give you new treatment until I'm certain of your defense mechanisms and therefore your unconscious motives. We can't just go catharsis on each other. I need to be sure of the signs in each of you so I can bring greater balance to your unconscious energies," I stated, thanking them for the information. I could write a story with all these notes. I'd just change all the names, make Harley write and publish it, then never get in trouble when someone finds out. Edward would protect me from that I'm sure.

Both warriors were giving me looks like I was speaking another language. Really, it was psychology. That's another thing that irked me. Baron probably thought they spoke the only language in the world, but the Mist, Mysidia, Eblan, and Fabul had their distinct languages. Even Damcyan and Troia had slight variations in the languages spoken, even though they understood everything Baronians spoke.

"Basically, come back soon so we can get to the bottom of this," I told them. "Have Harley set you up with an appointment sometime."

After they left, I was glad they didn't remember or have the courage to ask me their question. Already, I was sporting a bit of a headache. Reaching for the prescription paper, I told myself, don't even think about it, especially when you didn't need over the counter drugs.


End file.
